Montana's Big Sisters
Our girls have been nothing short of amazing throughout the ordeal. It has been a profound experience especially for Maddison, and she understands exactly what has happened, and even though not fully comprehending death, she does know what has happened.
I remember having to tell the girls. I sat them both on my knees just outside the labour ward and explained that they had a little sister and her name was Montana, but she had died, I told Maddison that she had saved her mummy's life. I explained that mummy was pretty sick and she would have lots of tubes and things in her arms etc and that Montana would look like she was sleeping, but she would look a bit blue and she would be cold.
If I close my eyes I can still see the reality of it sinking in and smashing apart all their dreams for another little sister. It is something I hope I never had to do again as long as I live.
Brooklyn took it pretty well, as initially she really didn't understand, and she was most excited to have a cuddle of the new baby. We took photo's which show Brookie's excitement and love for the new baby.
Maddison was in a bit of shock by it all, and she initially didn't want to come too close to mummy, cuddle the baby at all or have a photo with Montana. After some time in the room she did change her mind and had a really long time cuddling Montana. I think she knew that she wouldn't see her again and spent as much time studying her features and just holding her little sister. I remember her very tenderly getting a tissue to wipe Montana's nose. We did get some great photo's of all the girls and some family photo's before Maddie and Brook left that night.
We kept Maddison going to school as we figured that she needed as much normality in her life as we could give her. Her first day at school she sat and talked with her teacher pretty much all through recess and lunchtime. She didn't want to play with the kids and just wanted to talk about what had happened. She obviously knew what had happened was pretty significant.
Now, several months later, both girls still talk about Montana often, and always include her as one of their sisters when ever we are talking about family. They love going to the grave side and playing near by their little sister. I don't think I realised how much it had impacted on Maddison until one day after picking Maddison up from school, not long after Montana had died, as we drove past the cemetery, she asked if we could go and visit, I said that maybe tomorrow as I had missed the turn and it was a bit of a hassle to turn around and go back. She started crying. So we did turn around and spent some time with Montana.
Tania was with the girls at the Cemetery and trying to explain to Brooklyn that Montana was buried in the ground. Some time later Brooklyn asked again where Montana was and Tania waved in the general direction of her grave, and there was a guy in the distance beyond Montana's grave. Poor Brooklyn got really confused then thinking that this guy must have been Montana. Tania realised what she had done and knelt down with her and explained once again that Montana was in the ground. Brooklyn seemed to comprehend this time and pointed to the ground and asked if this is where Montana was and when Tania said yes, she took Tania's hand in both hers and looked up into Tania's face with this really serious face and just said "Ohhh, I sorry mummy!
Now when we drive past the cemetery, Brooklyn often looks out the window and says to us "Tana, Tana! Ground" (Interpereted as Brooklyn telling us all "My little sister, Montana is just over there and is buried in the ground").
The girls have taken this as well as I think they could have. Right from the start we told them that they would probably see mummy and daddy crying from time to time but not to worry because everything is OK and crying is how big people get better when they are sad and hurting.
We do thank God every day for our three beautiful girls. Maddison and Brooklyn have really helped us through this awful time.