A Birthday
Letter for Montana from your Family
(written by her dad)
Happy First Birthday little girl. It has been one whole year since you
came into the world and what a year it has been! I wish with all my hear
that it could have been different for you, but it isn't, and there isn't
anything we can do about that. I wish we could have had a pretty pink cake
with a candle on it. Party hats and whistles and streamers. But we
are left to think about what should have been and wishing you were here with us.
We have decided that September 13 for the Chan Clan will be a family day for
us to have fun together as a family and to remember you. We will try and
do something fun together as a family in honour of you, and that will be our
tradition to you until we will be together again as the family we were supposed
to be before you were snatched away from us.
As I think about you, and the year that has gone, I think about so many
things that we have been cheated out of. The girls missed out on growing
up with you, spoiling you, dressing you up, putting make up on with you.
You would have loved growing up with your big sisters. They would have
loved growing up with you. They miss you terribly.
I missed out on carrying you on my chest in the little capoochi pouch that I carried your
two big sisters in when they were babies.
I missed out on having showers with you and feel you snuggle into my neck and cuddle
up under the warm water.
I missed having cuddles late at night, watching bad TV when you couldn't
sleep because your tummy hurts or your new
teeth are hurting.
I missed not being able to watch you sleep peacefully and listen to the gentle sound of you
breathing deeply.
I missed not hearing your belly laughs and giggles when I tickle you and blow raspberries
on your tummy.
I missed not hearing your squeals of delight when I toss you high in the air and catch you
and smother you in kisses.
I missed not being able to smile proudly when I pushed you in your pram and
people stop me to tell me how beautiful you are.
I missed watching you experience the beach for the first time, feeling the
warm sand under your toes, then watch you screw your face up when you try to eat
some.
I missed watching your eyes sparkle when Miranda and Monique rush up for
cuddles with you at church each week.
There is just so much I missed out on this year! But my life is so much
richer because of you. Despite the fact that it has been a sad and
difficult year, I am glad you came into our life. You have taught me so
much about life. I feel like I have earned a PHD in what life is all about
this year.
I am still amazed at how many lives you have touched. Countless people
have been stopped dead in their tracks to cry, think, re-evaluate, look around,
hug someone they love, remember, so many different emotions from so many
different people. People we will never know about who visit your
website and people who are near and dear to us. In fact, I don't know
anyone who hasn't been profoundly impacted when they come in contact with you.
It has been the toughest year of my life, but I survived, and they say
that
will make me a stronger person. I just want to say to you that though you
are not physically with us, you will always be a part of us. We miss you
terribly, and we love you with all our hearts, and we think about you every
single day that goes by.
I believe in my heart of hearts that you will be given back to us one day and
we haven't missed out on your first birthday or on watching your first year of
life, we will be together again and we will get to do all the fun stuff I have
missed out on this year. I thought waiting for 9 months was tough!
Heaven is going to be just so much sweeter for us because we have a huge
bonus! We have you to look forward to. Our little baby will be
brought back to us, and after a wait that is almost unbearable we will finally
be back together again as a family and we get to be your daddy, your mummy and
your big sisters. What a great birthday gift that will be!
We love you sweetheart and can't wait to be together again.
Love from your daddy, mummy and big sisters Maddison and Brooklyn
